War through the eyes of Ukrainian artist Marina Stognieva
Chapter III
"Catherine"
I have never felt the pulse of life so acutely, everything that is most important turned out to be simple and clear. I often remembered carefree walks in Natalka Park, how I slept sweetly there under the crowns of majestic trees, inhaled the floral aromas of summer, drew and was in a state of complete pleasure. Now, in the grips of war, there was a feeling that there is nothing better in life than the rustling of leaves, the melodious singing of birds, and that you can spend a century like this, on the lawn, observing nature, and it will already be quite a full and happy destiny. My ambitions lost all meaning, achieving goals now looked like an ordinary game, and I wanted only one thing - peace. So that the rockets and bombs finally stopped flying, the earth stopped shaking from the explosions and I was able to sleep in my bed, not on the dirty basement floor.
I carefully monitored how the husk of society-imposed needs fell away and the things that were really important to me were revealed under it. She remembered her true desires with every cell. I came to understand how short my life is, even if it lasted 2000 years, and I have to live it according to my own heart's call, and not according to someone else's wishes or expectations. The desire to explore myself and this world increased a million times, it gave me strength and stability.
The night in the basement was restless: a girl visited us in the evening and said that she had already spent the night here. She somehow uncertainly ran through the dark rooms, as if looking for something in the nooks and crannies, took the blanket from the floor, insisted that I take a loaf of bread for dinner and left. I asked the neighbors, and it turned out that no one knew or remembered her. The bread had to be thrown away because it could be poisoned, and the rooms were carefully inspected. We had a warning that there were cases when Russian guides entered the warehouses, leaving explosives or taking notes on how many people were in which basements. I couldn't sleep...I dozed for several hours, then returned to reading the news. We all slept dressed. I am wearing two sweaters, pants, a fur coat, and a hat. Sometimes there were frosts at night. The basement was mostly occupied by women and children. The young men who took care of us in the first days of the war, provided us with food and everything we needed, went to the front, and a few older men remained with us. They were quite passive in everyday life, some of them complained about the conditions in the basement, convinced their wives to go back to sleep in bed, in the apartment, others slept for whole days, but so sweetly and calmly that by their snoring you could calculate our whereabouts. There was no one on duty at the entrance to the vault anymore, and the doors began to be tightly locked at night, and this caused great risks of not surviving in the event of a chemical attack. The feeling of security in the basement, unfortunately, has greatly decreased.
I was bothered by the thought that there has not been a single century without bloody wars raging in the world, as long as humanity has existed, it kills its own kind and knows no pity for children or the elderly. What steps are we taking to prevent this? What knowledge or survival skills do we get from childhood? After more than 100 million people were killed in wars in the 20th century, classes were never included in the general educational program that give at least some understanding that this is not just a story in a book, but that similar events are likely to happen and our generation Surprisingly, books glorifying great conquerors, inspiring people to follow them, continue to stand on store shelves. For example, if you look up who Alexander the Great is on the Internet, most sources will tell you that he is a great general who managed to subjugate most of Asia in a short period of time, reaching India and Pakistan. He went down in history as a conqueror who did not lose a single battle. I myself read one of these books, where he was called nothing but "The Great", and he destroyed tens of thousands of peaceful inhabitants who did not obey him. For example, when the citizens of the city of Tire refused to surrender, Alexander began a siege that lasted seven months. According to the Roman historian Quintus Curtius Rufus, 2,000 citizens of Tire were crucified. Another 6,000 people died in the siege. Those men who remained alive after that were killed, and women and children were sold into slavery. And similar statistics, multiplied tenfold, can be found in most biographies of "glorious" emperors and "great" generals. It seems that as long as such maniacs will be romanticized and glorified, humanity has no chance of coming to peace and harmony in millions of years!
While I was thinking about the complex questions of the existence of humanity, Katya, our concierge, came up to me and began to spread a blanket on the floor next to me. I knew her for a long time: a pleasant woman, a little older than 60 years old, short hair, brown eyes, a sweet smile. She always greeted us when we met, had a subtle sense of humor, sometimes we talked for a short time, wished each other a pleasant day. I had the feeling that she was a nice person, but I couldn't say that I knew her well. Warclearly manifests the main features of people, and sometimes quiet and seemingly weak people reveal themselves as brave and caring angels, and someone from polite, humane, and, as it was believed, with a good heart persons, seeing your helpless situation, shows cynical indifference and at the call to give help turns away and just watches - will you die or survive...
Going down to the street on the third day of the war, I saw Kateryna at her workplace as a concierge, as if nothing had happened, she was performing her official duties, keeping order in the entrance: cleaning, not letting strangers in, fixing those , who is left of the people and who needs what kind of help. I was amazed: public transport was not working, shells were exploding in the city, the ground was shaking from the bombings, and Kateryna walked 4 km to take her place. I saw her and felt calmer, she became an example of steely nerves and calmness. The only time, during the massive shelling, Kateryna went down to the basement, and after that she stayed to spend the night only in her bedroom in the next place. She worked for three days, then went home and returned to us two days later, bringing with her news and products to order from geographically distant stores.
I, a strong and young woman, was bound by great fear, for the second week I lived in the basement and wore a bag with personal documents around my neck, because it seemed that all the launched bullets and bombs were flying in my direction and I could die at any second. My friend Ira left Kyiv by train, her carriage was hit by the bombardment of the city and they were almost overturned by the shock wave. Another friend of mine barely escaped from the embrace of death in a car, it was a real luck, because hundreds of people were shot by the Russians right in the transport, the Russians spared neither children nor adults. So my cold basement didn't seem like such a bad place after stories like that, but if there was an opportunity to teleport, I would.
Katya persuaded me to leave the dirty floor and go back to sleep in the apartment, I was very scared, but I agreed, but asked her to visit me in the evening, for dinner. I did not dare to sleep in the bed, because there was a window very close. Remembering that I have a heated floor in the bathroom, I spread fresh bedding, a blanket and pillows there.
Kateryna came to see me two days in a row to divert my attention a little from the terrible news and the sounds of exploding shells, but when her shift ended, I decided to go to the basement again. Fear gripped me after my neighbors called me into the common hallway to learn how to use a huge fire extinguisher, uncoil hoses and direct a stream of foam into the flames. I was informed that I was the only one on the floor at night, so in the event of a missile hit, I should use the knowledge given to me. I am writing this sentence now and I still do not understand how this could happen in my life: a rocket .. .a fire extinguisher .. . I stew... That evening, I waited until 10:30 p.m., dressed warmly, took a backpack with food and went to the storage room, which closed at 11:00 p.m., as announced by the announcement. It was two minutes to go, but the ground shook from the explosions, it was dark and cold. What was my surprise when the basement door was already locked and I barely managed to be let in. It turned out that the men went to bed earlier and decided not to wait for anyone. That night I realized that I would never go back to the basement.
My war days were very slow, during the air raid I was in the bathroom "behind two walls", and meanwhile the siren sounded almost all day. Katya visited me every working day, we became close, she encouraged me a little and I started to move away from fear. On the threshold was a holiday, March 8, Women's Day. I managed to find fresh flowers for us as a present, there was half a bottle of wine at home, Kateryna advised me to drink some. I drank a glass and was surprised how good it was and why I didn't do it earlier.... A warm wave passed through the whole body, the tension was relieved, the mood rose, Kateryna and I laughed and joked all day, the war receded into the background, there was some relief. Every day with my new friend brought me out of the state of numbness, she supported me and brought me back to life. I thawed out, ideas began to appear, what to do next...
The day came when I dared to leave Kyiv. Then I invited Kateryna to my place, told her about my plan and asked her to look after the apartment and my birds. Katya kindly agreed, but said that I was leaving for nothing, because our defenders will soon push the enemy away from the capital and it will be safer. By the way, that's what happened, but we didn't even dream about it then... I wasn't sure where my path lay, the plan was to go to Poland first. Katya wished me a happy journey and hugged me. And I caught myself thinking that this was the first time I had been hugged since the beginning of the war. It became easier and a little sad at the same time. "Bye, Kateryna Vysotska, thank you, the road of life has led me further" ...
Good deeds are not small, they deserve attention and gratitude. I want Kateryna's descendants to know what a beautiful, brave and kind person she is. How it helped me and other people. Greatness is in the beauty of the soul, no Macedonian or Putin with insidious land grabs can compare to the quietest word of support, care and help. Glory to Ukraine and glory to all good people!!!
Read more >> > IV Сhapter "The Road to Nowhere"
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